Keep on Readin, Keep on Readin....

Keep on Readin, Keep on Readin…..

As we begin our summer and kids are out of school for a break we begin to think of how we are going to spend our time. Are we as a family going to hit the beach? Go on a vacation? Go visit family? Read?

Wait, what? Yes, I said read! Part of my summer as a child was going to the library or bookstore to pick out my next book I wanted to read. From Little House on the Prairie to Nancy Drew and many others that were my favorites. For me reading was a way of going to another place and time. But, I realize that many children do not feel the same about reading as I did.

For many children reading is a huge struggle. This is all the more reason children need to read. They need the practice. The more they read the better they will be at reading. It takes practice. Some children are slow readers; some have a learning issue that makes reading hard for them.

So, how do adults help these kids? Well, for starters sit down with them to help them read. Read to them, or have them read to you. Just twenty minutes a day will help. This will help them not loose the progress they have made in school and they may even be able to improve their skills over the summer.    

Some may say, this is really hard, why try? Well, in order to do well in school in general, kids need to be able to read well. They have to read for every subject and be able to understand what they are reading. They need to be able to read directions and follow what they have read.

So, how do I motivate my child to read? Well, take time with them one on one and read with them. Set aside time every day to read, maybe before bedtime? Some kids may need to work up to reading for twenty minutes a day. They will get there. Don’t give up!

So, why as a child therapist am I concerned about if my kiddos read or not? Well, being confident at something. Having confidence is a big self-esteem booster! Kids who can read well, can do other things well. Kids that may struggle with reading and finally have that a break through and they feel like a million bucks!

Also, kids who struggle with school are often bullied and picked on because they struggle. They may be depressed and stressed because of school being a struggle. This causes kids to not want to go to school at all. They see their classmates doing better and they begin to compare themselves to others around them. I see this all the time with kids.  

Some kids that come to me who have been in foster care and have not had parents who have not really helped them with learning to read really struggle with every part of school and life in general. They had parents who didn’t pay attention to things like school and learning. It wasn’t a priority. So, how to help these kids? Well, again help them with playing catch up. Help them boost their skills in reading so they can be up to grade level.

The bottom line, make reading fun! Reading is a way to escape reality for a while. It is a way to use your imagination and learn new things. Children, who can read well, will go far in life! The trick is helping kids find what they like to read about. They need to find what they are interested in. This is where the public library comes in handy or some online reading system. Find computer games that are educational, yet fun to help kids improve their reading skills.

Set limits on how much time they spend playing video games or watching TV, and encourage them to read. Let them take that book on a road trip so they can read in the car. Take their book camping so they can still read before bed.  Take your children to the library on a regular basis to get books and learn what is available to them at the public library.

I also want to share with professionals what I have done to help my client kiddos with reading. I set up a small lending library in my office. I was lucky to have wonderful friends donate books to me! I allow my kiddos take up to two books at time. When they are done with their books they can bring them back and borrow two more.   This helps the kiddo who is struggling as well as the kiddo who likes to read! Win! Win!

Children need to understand that reading can be fun and they can succeed as a reader. This is powerful for any child or teen!

Change is the Life of a Child

Change in the Life of a Child

Change is part of life. That is what we tell children. This is a very true statement. Change does not have to be a bad thing. Change can be good and fun. The most recent change is school is out for the summer and you can go have fun.  A good change would be getting a pet or having a new sibling.

While some change is good and fun, there are other changes that are scary and hard to understand. Even the change of a new sibling while fun is scary. A child may ask, “Who will take care of me?” Who will play with me? A child may say they do not want a new brother or sister, but the reality is there is a new baby in the house. For some children change it is no big deal, for some it seems like the end of the world.  Eventually children adjust and life goes on, as long as they have a loving and supportive network of family and friends to help them adjust to this new phase in life.

Other changes of life may not be good; in fact they are down-right scary. A change like parents getting a divorce is a very scary thing for everyone involved. Children know something is wrong. They see their parents fight and argue, sometimes about them. Even infants can sense and feel tension between people. Divorce is a major change. Adults try to bring out the positives in the situation, while a good idea to a certain point can and usually does backfire at some point.  Children need to deal with the reality of the situation of the divorce and adults need to help them in the best way possible to work through this change and provide support and care.

Part of any change, good, bad or otherwise is communication. Remember, when going through a big change children need to be aware of what is happening as long as it is appropriate for their age. Things like a divorce or a death in the family need to be handled carefully.  Children do not need to know the same information as adults. This can become a gray area for older children or teens. Use your best judgement as a parent. When in doubt, don’t.

If you think it might be too much information or something that could cause further damage than the initial problem then please do not share this information with your child. For example, telling your child a loved one has died is one thing, going into detail about how they died or what happened to them can cause great mental damage.  A young child does not need to know that their loved one committed suicide for example.   This is hard enough for adults to understand so how do you expect a young child understand.

When a bunch of change happens to a child all at once it can put your child into an overwhelming overload. They become easily emotional. They may act out, shut down, have melt downs over random things. Change for adults can be hard and stressful, imagine being a young child and having no control over what is happening to you or those around you. 

Children need structure, security, and routine. When those things are disrupted it can be very hard on a child and their parents. So, how as a parent do you help your child through a change? Well, if it is something you are preparing for, like moving, or having a baby then have a plan for your family. Talk with your child about what you as the adults are planning and who is going to help when the time comes.

What to do in case of something like an emergency? Well, have a back-up plan. Talk about who to call in case of an emergency, how to dial 9-1-1, calling a family member, a trusted adult, and that people like police, and firemen are safe people there to help. If you can make a plan and share with your child the plan, it makes something that is scary, a little less scary.  

Change is a part of life, but with proper planning and communication change does not need to be so scary. Children are very observant and very well aware of what is going on around them. When they ask questions, answer just the question.  Do not go into detail. That is when things get confusing. Children need support and to know that someone they trust is in control. If they know that, then they can feel safe in knowing who is going to help and take care of them.

Summer Fun List!

Summer Fun List!

 

Looking for fun this summer? Check these out!

Pirate’s Cove

www.piratescove.net

G.T. Butterfly House and Bug Zoo www.gtbutterflyzoo.com

Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes www.sleepingbeardunes.com

National Cherry Festival

www.cherryfestival.org

Traverse City Film Festival www.traversecityfilmfest.org

Cherry Bowl Drive In www.cherrybowldrivein.com

Traverse City Splash Pad

Kingsley Splash Pad

Blair Township Splash Pad

Kaliseum

www.kaliseum.com

Beach/swimming

Photo Scavenger Hunt

Picnics

John Ball Park Zoo Grand Rapids

www.jbzoo.org

Traverse Area District Library

www.tadl.org

Summer Camp

Vacation Bible School

Bike rides

Sand castle building contest

Pinterest www.pinterest.com

Water balloon/squirt gun fights

Build a fort

Grand Traverse Children’s Maritime Museum

www.greatlakeskids.org

Dennos Museum

www.dennosmuseum.org

Call of the Wild

www.callofthewildgaylord.com

Camping

Bonfire with S’mores

Crafts

Sports

Chalk Art

Skateboarding

Youth Conferences like CIY (Christ in Youth)

Fishing

Sleepovers

Boat ride

Hiking

Kayaking

Going for ice cream

Going to the park

Visit an orchard

Hide and Seek

Tag

Jumping Rope

Visiting family

Gardening

Babysitting

Mowing the grass

Part time job

Walk on the beach

Skipping rocks in the water

Reading

Bowling

Scrap TC www.scraptc.org

Blackbird Arts www.blackbirdartstc.org

Childhood to Adulthood...Transitioning After High School

Childhood to Adulthood…Transitioning After High School

You did it mom, dad, and grad! You made it out of high school. Be proud! Stand tall! You have passed on to adulthood. Hopefully you have learned well. Now to the next phase! Adulthood! You know how you kept saying, “I can’t wait until I am a grown-up?” Well that time is here!

So many teens are graduating and moving on to a new chapter in their lives. They are excited and nervous all at once. Parents want nothing but the best for their grad. Now is that transition from childhood to adulthood. Parents hope and pray they raise their child to be a responsible adult. There are so many things they have yet to learn, except many teens have the idea that “I’m eighteen and I know everything!” Of course we all know they don’t really know everything.

As a parent how do you guide your child who is now an adult when they think they already know it all? After all they just graduated high school! Sorry parents, your job doesn’t end yet. Just because they are legally adults doesn’t mean they don’t still need your help and guidance. The question is how much help and guidance do you give? This can get very tricky!

Your child still may need help with money. That’s the first one. Are they still living in your house? Are they going away to college? How much help do you give? Well, they need to be working a job. There needs to be clear expectations of what you can do to help them and what you are expecting them to take care of. Are you going to help with a car, pay for college, get their first apartment? Where do you draw the line?

Help them with things like a checking and saving account. Help them with getting insurance. You know those adult things we all hate dealing with. Teach them how to be an adult. Hopefully they have been learning basic things like how to do laundry, clean house, and cook for themselves.

We all know at least one young adult who have parents who pay for EVERYTHING, and we get jealous. Is that really helping your child? Part of life is working hard to earn money to take care of yourself. Now, if they have a scholarship and grants to pay for school then great! They worked hard in school to get those things.  A little hard work never hurt anyone. If your child is working hard and trying then help where you are able, gas money, groceries, a cell phone bill, whatever you can afford to do.

What to do if they are not working or trying to pay their way? Well, then they need to learn. They may have learned all these things in high school, but they need to learn to work too. They need to learn how to deal with a boss or co-workers they don’t like. They need to learn to pay their bills and what is important and what isn’t.

Part of growing up is learning to live within your means. Debt should be avoided as much as possible. Many young people fall into the trap of credit cards, I did! It took me a long time to get out! If that means they have to work more and take less classes then so be it. If that means they live at home for a year or so while going to college then do it.

Help your young adult set up a budget and help them stick to it. Yes they need a car, but it doesn’t have to be brand new. Yes they need clothes and food and other basic needs, so teach them to budget what they do have. There is nothing wrong with thrift store shopping to get things you need.

How else can you help your young adult who is going away to college? Well, first off pray for them! Then find very practical ways to help. Stock them up on groceries and personal items. Get them gift cards for gas so they can come home. Save your change so they can do laundry. It all adds up.

Going out into the big bad world is exciting and scary all at once! Your young adult is most likely scared and not sure what to do. Keep your lines of communication open. Talk with your child regularly about the changes that are happening in their lives. There are really big decisions that your child will be making that hopefully they will come talk to you about. Things like loans, apartments, bills, friends, school, jobs, and so on.

One thing your child needs to be aware of is that now that they are an adult legally they need to put you on any forms for things like medical and mental health needs. This gives you permission to talk with doctors in case of an emergency. On the other side, you as parent need to respect that your child is no longer a child and needs some privacy.  

It is hard to let go of your child. But, don’t treat them like a child, they are an adult. Be there for them. Help them make good choices. Be there when they mess up. They will mess up. They will fail. They will get hurt. They will need your support. Just be there. Help them problem solve. Your job of being a parent isn’t done yet.