Back to School, Back to Reality!

Back to School, Back to Reality!

It is that time of year again. School supplies are being purchased. Classrooms are being set up. Teachers are preparing for a new year with new students. Students are picking out clothes and backpacks. Parents are grateful school will start soon. Students, not so much! They have enjoyed sleeping in, playing all day, and just doing nothing. Are your kids ready?

For some students school is not so much fun for many different reasons. Some kids really dread school. There are many reasons, bullies, learning issues, lack of friends, “mean” teachers, homework and school work that frustrate them. These students may need a different kind of preparing. They find school stressful for many reasons. Of course we all know about the issue of bullies. So, how can parents, teachers, and other caregivers help these students?

We can help by for starters listening to them. Listen when they have a good day or a not so good day. Help them see the positives in their day. Many times we focus on the negatives in the day and not on the good stuff that happens. What did you have for lunch? What did you do at recess? Your friend was nice and helped you out today, great!

Also, help be an advocate for your student. Help them by giving a voice to the things that are bothering them, either, teach them to be their own voice or step in and help when they need it. Kids need to know they have grown up friends and helpers who are willing to step in when they need help. Maybe just listening when they have had a rough day or helping with homework that is really hard for them.

For older students and teens, don’t be afraid to monitor their social media and cell phones. Now, do this with them standing there with you. Go through their texts and Facebook to see who they are talking to. Help them to understand that, one you are watching and aware, and two you are watching out for others who may want to do your teen harm. Yes they will argue with you and say that you are invading their privacy. You are being their parent! Yes, they need privacy, but they also need to know they are being held accountable. This will hopefully weed out the trouble making kids in your child’s life.

Talk openly with your student about their friends and what they do with them in school and outside of school. This shows that not only do you care about them but their friends too. Talk to your kids about their struggles and why they struggle. Your child may be a straight “A” student, but they really struggle with making friends. They may be totally flunking out of school and struggling with how they feel about themselves.

Be aware of your child’s friends and when they may come to you for help because their parent it not available. They have identified you as a safe person, be their advocate too. Be their voice. If you see them struggling talk to them. Invite your child’s friends to your home to hang out. If they need help with their homework, help them. Maybe they live in a single parent home and their parent works and struggles with helping to get homework finished. Make your home that safe home. Let them come hang out after school until their parent gets home.

Be aware of what is going on around you as a parent or caregiver. If you see a child in need of extra help, then be their helper. Share extra school supplies, snacks, and time. I know it seems like a lot sometimes, but in the end it means so much more to a kid who really needs to be heard!

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire...

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire…

None of us like to be lied to, especially when you are lied to by your child. Now, every kid goes through this phase at least once in their childhood. Kids lie for many different reasons. First, they want to see if they can get away with something. This could be a big something or a little something. Second, they lie to try to keep out of trouble. If your child has done something wrong most of the time they will try to lie to keep from getting in trouble, or try blaming someone or something else.

Yes some of these are cute and funny to a point. They may lie about taking a cookie from the cookie jar or who licked the Oreo filling out of the cookie and put it back. But what happens when it stops being cute and funny? What if it is a serious thing, like trying to cover up something like stealing or shoplifting? What if it is to cover up that they are being hurt by someone, or, if they have hurt someone else, then what?

 Well, lies have a way of coming out eventually. Some kids are really bad liars. And honestly, that is what you want as a parent, right? You want your child to be a bad liar so you catch them and you can punish them for their bad lie and they learn from it, at least for a while, right?

Now, what to do if your child doesn’t learn from their mistake? What if they are a good liar? Do you trust your kid again? How do you trust your kid again? Well, they have to rebuild trust with you. Also, you need to get to the bottom of why they are lying to begin with.  Is there a bigger problem going on? How can you tell your child is lying to you? Does their story change? Do the facts match their story?

When to call your kid out on their lie? Well, as soon as you figure out what they are up to. They need to learn that lying is not something to get into the habit of. It is a bad habit and it is something they need to understand is wrong. They need to understand that they will be in less trouble if they just come clean and tell the truth then to lie about something.

How do you as a parent punish a lying child? It depends on many things, age, and the lie, why they lied, and so on. Do you allow the lie to go on for a while to see if your child fesses up? This all depends on how you as a parent want to handle it. Is part of punishing your child having them apologizes to the person they lied to? It should be. They need to confess or acknowledge what they did and the lie they told. They need to see how lying to others effects their relationship with that person. I have seen some parents who have their child write out an apology to the person they lied to. I like this idea.

Children need to understand what happens when they lie. People are not so easy to trust someone when they are lied to. I tell kids all the time that I can’t help them if they choose to lie to me. I can’t trust what they are saying is true if they lie, or what the real problem is. Are they covering up something bad?

Lying is one of those habits that once it starts are very hard to stop. More and more lies get told in order to cover up the first thing being lied about. ­­­­So, as a parent helping to correct this lying habit is very important. Yes, you as a parent need to punish your child for lying. Your child needs to understand there are consequences for lying. Helping your child understand this is very important.

Your child will not get far in life if they lie their way through it. How will the make it through school, get a job, or be trusted by friends or family. If you and your child need help getting to the bottom of why your child feels the need to lie then it is time to seek professional help. There is a bigger problem in your child’s life that needs to be gotten to the bottom of.

Lying is not a good thing for you or your child. You want to be able to trust them and they want to be trusted. So, it needs to be worked out, no matter the age.