What's Next?

What’s Next?

It is that time of year again. That’s right, graduation! Many are so excited to be done with school! They feel accomplished and ready to move on. They have plans for a bright future! The last few years seem like a blur to parents. Their baby has grown up and is moving on to the next phase in life.

How can we support these newly graduated students? We can offer support, advise, suggestions, a listening ear and so much more. What do we do when these young adults now feel like the now know everything about life, other then laugh and roll our eyes? Are they going to mess up? Yes! Do we help? Yes.

Some parents feel that once their child reaches eighteen their “job” as a parent is done. I hate to break it to you. Your “job” as a parent is never done. Your child will always be your child. Just because they hit this magic number of eighteen doesn’t mean they are grown up. They still have things to learn, and they need to learn from someone, so why not you?

Then there are the young adults who have graduated, barely! What about them? Well, they still need to learn to be an adult. They need help learning life skills, like finding a job, getting an apartment, managing their money and all the other “fun” things that come with being an adult.

Whether your child goes on to college or not they still need to learn how to do this thing called being an adult. They need to learn how to pay bills, manage their money, find a job, make good choices. They may not come and ask you as their parent for help, but they need it. They may try to figure it out for themselves, which let’s face it, most of the time ends badly!

What about those who are making this transition into adulthood without parents to help? Yes, those kids who have parents who are not in their lives. Well, wouldn’t it be nice to have a caring older adult in their lives who can help them with this transition? An aunt or uncle, grandparent, a friend’s parent, or other mentor. These kids need someone!

Just because they have hit eighteen doesn’t mean that they are not scared about their future and what it holds. Especially if they have to do it alone. It is easy to work with these young adults? Most of the time, no. They struggle, and argue and fight, and do stupid stuff! They do not need judgment from you, they need someone to love them no matter what. Someone some of these young adults may have never had!

So, as you look at all the graduating students, reach out to those who may be struggling and offer your help and guidance. Will, they accept? Maybe!

Has Your Child's 'Tude Turned Rude?

Has Your Child’s ‘Tude Turned Rude?

We can all have an attitude from time to time. Why are kids any different? We all have bad days or things that are bothering us, adults and kids alike. Sometimes we need help to bring ourselves back into reality.

Have you been out in public and your child has said something so rude that you just want to crawl under a rock? What do you do? How do you handle it? You may need to help your child rephrase something so that it isn’t so bold or blunt. Kid’s need to learn to have filters too. This is a matter of redirecting or guiding your child to say something in a kinder way. This needs to have a learning curve involved before punishment happens.

Then there are times when your child very much has an attitude and they are being down right rude to you or others and they know it. How do you handle that without you know, being rude back? You have thoughts like, “You totally know better then that!”

Yes, your child’s attitude needs to be put in check. Yes, there needs to be a talk about saying things in a kind way and not being rude on purpose. But, also remember, just like we adults, your child may be stressed about something or someone has been rude to them and they are acting out.

Have a talk with your child about what may be bothering them. Asking what their day was like. Maybe there is something going on at school like teasing or bullying. This could very easily cause someone to lash out or be rude. Maybe they are stressed about something else?

Now, yes, their attitude needs to be put back into check. They should not be allowed to be rude to someone. Do a little investigative work and find out what is happening in your child’s life to cause this type of reaction.

Then there are times when kids get an attitude with you just because you told them “no.” This is where you as a parent need to correct the behavior the best you can. Kids know how to push parents’ buttons so well that they can even do it in their sleep. This is the type of behavior that needs to be addressed on a regular basis. It is a sign of showing disrespect that needs to be ended before it becomes a big problem.

It could be helpful to find a good family therapist to help you with this. Someone who is neutral and who can talk to both parent and child to help work out the issues that are causing the attitude. As a therapist I have parents tell me all the time that they can say the exact same thing I did and their child listens to me but not them. The difference? I am not their parent. I don’t not have authority in their lives, and if they hear it from someone else they realize that what they are doing is not right.

Kids and teens will forever have attitudes that will make the most confident parent irritated and embarrassed. The trick is communicating with your child and trying to get to the bottom of the problem, even if that needs seeking professional help.