Do Children have Feelings?

Do children have feelings?

By Alison Neihardt LPC, NCC

Helping Kids Counseling Services LLC 

www.helpingkidsupnorth.com

hkupnorth@gmail.com

Well of course they do! But, sometimes as adults we do not recognize when a child is experiencing feelings, whether they are good feelings or negative feelings. Sometimes children can become pretty intense with their emotions. You know, they scream, yell, cry, throw themselves on the floor kicking and screaming in the middle of a store. Or, the other side is they are excited and jumping up and down laughing and giggling.

In some cases, if a child or teen does not feel heard they will also shut down and let their feelings bottle up inside of themselves. This is not a good thing either for so many reasons. Children and teens begin to develop anxiety and depression. They feel like their feelings are not important. So, they do not share their feelings with anyone. They then begin to do destructive things like self-harm, isolate, “act out,” hurt others, and feel that they are alone.  

God gave us feelings. It is part of who we are as humans. We as adults need to help children recognize and label their feelings to help children better understand the emotions they have when they are having them. For example, a child is crying, we as an adult may say, “You look sad, is there something I can do to help?” Or, “You look angry, what is upsetting you?” I know this is easier said than done, especially when you as a parent are upset with your child because they have done something that upsets you.

However, that is part of the job of an adult is to help a child. This is may be where taking a break or time out so that YOU as the adult can get your emotions under control could be helpful. If we as adults can tell what our feelings are we can help children label theirs. This is a key part in teaching children how to label their feelings and communication with not only you as a parent or adult, but also helps the child recognize that feelings and emotions can be controlled. It takes practice to be able to control feelings and emotions no one is perfect.

I tell the children I work with all the time that it is okay to be angry, however it is not okay do to something wrong (sin) in their anger. Children begin to recognize when they are mad. For some it takes longer than others. This is also helping children see that they can be heard and understood in their feelings and emotions and that we still accept them even when they are having negative emotions and love them anyway.

So, how do we as adults help children and teens with “big” emotions? Well, for starters acknowledge when I child is feeling emotional. Some feelings are easier to deal with then others. Second, talk to the child or teen about what is bothering them. Maybe they are having a bad day. Maybe they got in trouble at school or someone at school is picking on them. Keeping the lines of communication open is very important! Even if they are young children, they still have big feelings. Sometimes giving some space for children to think and get themselves under control also helps.

Are children still punished for “acting out?” Yes, children and teens need to know their limits and that is part of gaining control over their feelings. It is never okay for a child or teen to disrespect an adult and when this happens there needs to be some correction involved. If a child or teen is not corrected then they think that is it is acceptable to continue their behavior. For some children and teens this is a long process and in many cases needs to be repeated MANY times!

Overall, just be aware of the children and teen’s emotional needs that are entrusted to your care. They look to adults to set the example and help with their problems even if they do not come out and ask they still what guidance, direction, and limits!