Parenting Again....When Grandparents are Raising Their Grandchildren

Parenting Again…When Grandparents are Raising Their Grandchildren

Over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house we go, to live.

When someone says they are going to grandma’s house we think going to grandma and grandpa’s house for a visit. Grandkids stay for a while and visit, play, do something special and then go home. For many children and their grandparents this is not the case. They have moved in to grandma and grandpa’s house if not full time at least part time, and the reasons as to why are endless. It could be financial, death of one or both parents, divorce of parents, drug and alcohol use by parents, children were removed by Child Protective Services (CPS), and the list goes on and on.

This is becoming a bigger trend. Grandparents take in their grandchildren because they do not want them to be raised by strangers or in the foster care system. So what does this all mean? Well, these kids have had something major go on in their lives to warrant this need. For many it is some kind of traumatic event. So, not only are they children, but they are hurting children. And the grandparents are also hurting and stressed because most likely it was their adult child that caused the problem or has passed away.

So in day to day life this means grandparents have to learn to communicate in a new way, like texting and Facebook. They have to deal with many types of appointments to help their grandchildren recover and be as “normal” as possible. Grandparents have to learn this new way of parenting that for some may be very different from when they raised their children. They learn new ways to discipline their grandchildren because in many cases things like spanking does not work and is not acceptable for places like CPS. They also have to deal with school things like parent teacher conferences, Individual Education Plans (IEPs), grades, peers, and on and on.

For grandparents it is also a financial issue. Who helps pay for the needs of these children? Yes, there are things that can help, but for the most part the grandparents are paying. Grandparents also loose their freedom of being able to do things in their retirement like, travel.  They love their grandchildren or they wouldn’t be doing what they are doing. But there are major sacrifices!  

Also, with grandparents there is also the risk of more health issues. So who cares for the children if grandpa has a heart attack or some other health issue? All of these things are big factors for grandparents who are raising their grandchildren.

Children are dealing with a whole host of issues. They are dealing with the loss of one or both of their parents for whatever the reason, living with grandparents who they may know well or they may not. Because they don’t feel “normal” they sometimes try to hide that they live with their grandparents from their peers. What these children need to understand is there are many more children like them who live with their grandparents so therefore it is “normal.”

So, how can we help these parenting grandparents? Well, offer support, invite them and their grandchildren to church, or to dinner, be a listening ear to the grandparents and the grandchildren, offer to babysit so grandpa and grandma can have a break because most likely they don’t allow just anyone to take care of their grandchildren. But most of all have compassion! These families are hurting and are struggling with many things that we may not be aware of.