A New Bundle of Joy

A New Bundle of Joy

 

New babies are a welcome addition to the family and bring lots of excitement. No matter how much you plan and how much support you have when that new little bundle of joy comes, having a new baby in the family is a huge adjustment. It means changes to routines and what happens in the household. It means changes for older siblings as well. Who takes care of them, and how.  

When a new sibling is added to the family, the older sibling usually feels left out or neglected in some way. This usually ends in hurt feelings and tears or temper tantrums. We have all heard stories of how an older sibling reacts to having a new brother or sister. Some of it is cute and picture worthy. Some of it not so much. Sometimes it can be very frustrating to parents and other caregivers.

Parents are constantly worried about the baby being woken up or in some other way disturbed. Older siblings become jealous or hurt because taking care of a new baby takes lots of mom and dad’s time. They usually feel left out in many ways. They may try to find ways of getting attention either positive or negative from mom and dad, their behaviors will change, and many times not for the positive. There will be things like older siblings doing naughty things when you are busy with baby to see if you notice. There may be anger or frustration, or meltdowns and tears from kids and adults!

So, how do parents help make this transition better? For starters, acknowledge your older child’s feelings. Saying things like “I can see you are upset.” “Do you want to talk about it?” Try not to get to frustrated with your child. They are just learning how to express their feelings and may not be aware of how they are feeling or how to label it. Sending time with older siblings as you are able, even just a few minutes to read a story or play a game. Get older siblings involved in caring for baby or being a “big helper.” Let older siblings feed baby, or hold baby, or help in some other way.

Also, setting boundaries with older siblings as to how to treat their new little brother or sister. Try not to yell or get angry. Calmly talk about being careful with baby as to not hurt them. Start having these talks before baby even arrives. There are many helpful children’s books on being a big brother or big sister.  Check your local bookstore or Amazon for some good ones. Even getting a baby doll and practicing with to learn to be big brother or sister how to care for baby nicely.  Young children learn through play so they can learn to be a good big brother or sister.

Involving the big brother or sister in decisions like what color to paint the babies room, or a theme for the baby’s room, let them pick out a gift for the baby. Talk about ways they can be helpful around the house. Give them “jobs” to do to help them feel included. Praise them for their efforts in helping, and thank them for their efforts. Make it a big deal if need be.

Some children may regress developmentally. Children who have been potty trained may regress and go back to diapers. They may take their baby brother or sister’s pacifier to use for themselves. It will be okay. They will go back to where they were. Most of the time when this happens it is to get some attention from mom or dad.

Be sure to use your supports not only for caring for baby, but also for helping with your older children. Having grandma, grandpa, auntie, or uncle there to help with other siblings can give a tired mom and dad some relief.  

If you are one of these supports try to make yourself available and be aware of what is going on. Call and check on them. Bring over a meal. Offer to help baby sit or help with housework to help the overwhelmed parents. Take older siblings for a fun activity to give a break to them and their parents.

It will be a few months of adjusting and setting a new “normal.” It will be okay. Try to have patience and know that the situation is temporary. Your kids will all adjust and so will you. New things in life always take time to get used to a new “normal.”  Soon everyone will fall into a new routine with baby, siblings, and mom and dad all together.