Can I Ever Do Anything Right?

Can I Ever Do Anything Right?

Can I ever do anything right? Children ask this question to themselves so many times in their life time. Some more than others. Kids who constantly have behavior problems feel like they are always in trouble. They are always being corrected for their behavior and sometimes this is very needed. Some children need more reminders then others. They feel like they are always being watched. But, what do they hear when they FINALLY do something right? Do they hear praises for their right choices? Some don’t.

I have worked with many difficult children and teens in my career of working with children in a variety of ways. Kids that are the hardest to love are often the ones who need it most. They need to know that they do something well or right! What happens if this doesn’t happen for them? They begin to care less and less about life. They struggle with things like anxiety, depression, anger, resentment, and so on.

Every kid needs to hear things like, “nice job,” “you are awesome,” or even “I love you!” Many kids don’t hear these positive statements. When kids do something that they are changing they need to hear feedback that they are doing good! If they don’t hear these things, then they will not want to keep that change in their lives because they will not see a point.

Sometimes these kids who struggle they often feel like they can’t do anything right. They often feel like they have a target on their backs or they have been labeled the “bad kid.” This may come from school, friends, teachers, or other adults. To them they are honestly trying, and they know that what they do is wrong. They just struggle when making the right choice. Some days are better than others.

How do we handle these kids who really struggle with making good choices? We help them work through why their choice was wrong and how to fix it. Helping them learn from their mistakes and move on.

We as adults seem to think that kids are expected to know how to behave all the time and kids should just know how to behave. This is so far from the truth. They are kids! Then add things like trauma and learning issues and that makes it harder. Kids learn to behave by having consistent rules and expectations. Some children do not have this in their home. This adds another part into their behavior.

As a caregiver you need to be the adult and meet this child where they are, not where YOU want them to be. As an adult there may be things that you let slide as long as they don’t hurt themselves or others. Sometimes it is a matter of picking your battles.   Keep this in mind when correcting these kiddos that just don’t seem to get it sometimes!

The bottom line is that kids want to be loved and cared for. Some kids need this more than others. Help kids feel better about themselves by offering speaking positive things in their lives. Remember for every negative thing a child hears they need to hear three positives to cancel it out. Just imagine how it feels to hear nothing but negative. Put yourself in that child’s shoes. How would you feel if all you heard was negative? Now take that thought and go be a positive influence in a negative world.