Being an Only Can Be Lonely

Being and Only Can Be Lonely

I grew up an only child. Yes, there were times it was great to have all my toys and stuff to myself. It was nice to not have to share. But, there were draw backs too.  Being an only child can be a very lonely thing. Having a sibling to play with or do things with was something I missed and still do. I have many friends and cousins to do things with and we treat each other like siblings.

Only children have a stereo type of being selfish, not willing to share, being spoiled, they want their own way, and so on. Only children who are raised like this have many problems as they grow up and become adults. They have a hard time working out issues with peers, they may have a hard time maintaining relationships, they struggle to look beyond themselves. They don’t understand why someone may be upset with something they did, and they have no idea how to make it right or what the issue even is.

Now there are some positive things from being an only child. Usually only children are very independent. Only children tend to be more mature then their peers. They also are used to talking with adults, so when they interact with a peer they may struggle with their peer’s lack of maturity. Only children tend to be closer to their parents because that is who they spend most of their time with. They can do things on their own and it doesn’t bother them, but on the other side of this is they can also be lonely. It is hard for them to reach out to others.  

My parents raised me in a way that I was taught to share and have proper social skills. I have many cousins who are around my age and we were raised like siblings. We would play, fight, and tease each other, but if you messed with one of us, oh man!  We have each other’s backs. We are still close to this day as adults. We hang out as friends and look forward to spending time together.

So as a parent of an only child, how do you help your child not be the “typical” only child? Well, let them have friends, cousins, and other peers to interact with. Get them involved in activities with their peers. Teach them to be independent. Help them to learn the proper way to resolve conflicts and to not be “bossy.” Basically, how to be a good friend. Teach them that it is okay to share with others and when it is appropriate to do so.

Sometimes kids want friends so bad that they are willing to give things away to make sure they have a friend. With the wrong peer this could be a big problem. Only children struggle with being bullied and being bullies both. They can come across as “bossy” and therefore turn their peers away with this behavior. This needs to be corrected too.

Also, allow your kids when they argue with a friend or peer let them try to resolve the problem themselves. This helps them to learn proper peer conflict resolution. This will help them as adults. They also need to work as a team and work with others no matter who they are.

Being an only child is not an easy gig. Sure, there are benefits, but it can still be lonely. Also, try to not put the “typical” stereotypes on an only child. Not all only children are “typical.” Many know how to make and maintain proper friendships.   Keep this in mind with your child makes friends with an only child.