Helping Kids Counseling Services

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Little People Big Feelings

We all know at least one kid who seems extra sensitive. They cry over the smallest of things, but, what to do for these kids who seem to cry and fall apart over things that seem so little or trivial. They have a hard time regulating their emotions. The parents are worn out and frustrated because they feel like they have messed up as a parent.

What can be done to help? Some parents and caregivers feel helpless. Well, little ones need to learn what feelings are and how to deal with them. One of the biggest things I do when counseling children is help them identify their feelings and what to do when they have them. Kids feel those feelings they just don’t know what they are or how to deal with them.

So, the first step is to talk about feelings and help children identify when they are having feelings that don’t feel so good what they can do about it. So, if your child appears to be upset by something then acknowledge their feeling. Something like, “I see that you are angry. Is there something I can help you with?” Help your child label the feeling, if you can in the moment. I know this is easier said than done, especially when you the parent are upset too.

Some kids you can tell that their anger is just building and they are going to blow. Try to catch them before reaching that point. I know that this is hard at times and can’t always happen. I talk to kids all the time about feelings and help them say what they feel. This works well as long as their parent can listen to what they are feeling. If their parent does not listen to how they feel then children will not tell their feelings.

For some kids feelings can be very scary things, especially in cases that they are very sad, scared, or angry. These are very big feelings to deal with. A child’s reaction isn’t always going to go well. They are going to have meltdowns and fall apart. This is part of learning to deal with feelings.

Some kids let things bottle up so much that they keep things inside and they have other things happen like anxiety or depression. If kids are told for so long things like “oh, that isn’t how you feel,” or “your feeling is wrong.” They stop telling people how they feel. It comes out in different ways. They find unhealthy ways to cope with feelings.

Keep in mind when working with children who seem extra emotional; is there a reason for their extra emotions? What are they going through? What is happening to them or in their family that could be upsetting them? Changes or transitions in life can really cause disruption to a child’s routine. These could be little changes or big ones. But, keep in mind to little ones everything is a big deal. Adults need to be their safety net and help them learn to cope.

Please, asking as a mental health professional who works with these children, allow your child to have their feelings. They need to have their feelings acknowledged. Their feelings are their feelings. When you do this they will know that you are listening to them and can help them. They feel safe with you. This is what we all want to happen. Help them talk through their feelings, even at the little age of three. Little people have feelings too!

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Keep on Readin, Keep on Readin....

Keep on Readin, Keep on Readin…..

As we begin our summer and kids are out of school for a break we begin to think of how we are going to spend our time. Are we as a family going to hit the beach? Go on a vacation? Go visit family? Read?

Wait, what? Yes, I said read! Part of my summer as a child was going to the library or bookstore to pick out my next book I wanted to read. From Little House on the Prairie to Nancy Drew and many others that were my favorites. For me reading was a way of going to another place and time. But, I realize that many children do not feel the same about reading as I did.

For many children reading is a huge struggle. This is all the more reason children need to read. They need the practice. The more they read the better they will be at reading. It takes practice. Some children are slow readers; some have a learning issue that makes reading hard for them.

So, how do adults help these kids? Well, for starters sit down with them to help them read. Read to them, or have them read to you. Just twenty minutes a day will help. This will help them not loose the progress they have made in school and they may even be able to improve their skills over the summer.

Some may say, this is really hard, why try? Well, in order to do well in school in general, kids need to be able to read well. They have to read for every subject and be able to understand what they are reading. They need to be able to read directions and follow what they have read.

So, how do I motivate my child to read? Well, take time with them one on one and read with them. Set aside time every day to read, maybe before bedtime? Some kids may need to work up to reading for twenty minutes a day. They will get there. Don’t give up!

So, why as a child therapist am I concerned about if my kiddos read or not? Well, being confident at something. Having confidence is a big self-esteem booster! Kids who can read well, can do other things well. Kids that may struggle with reading and finally have that a break through and they feel like a million bucks!

Also, kids who struggle with school are often bullied and picked on because they struggle. They may be depressed and stressed because of school being a struggle. This causes kids to not want to go to school at all. They see their classmates doing better and they begin to compare themselves to others around them. I see this all the time with kids.

Some kids that come to me who have been in foster care and have not had parents who have not really helped them with learning to read really struggle with every part of school and life in general. They had parents who didn’t pay attention to things like school and learning. It wasn’t a priority. So, how to help these kids? Well, again help them with playing catch up. Help them boost their skills in reading so they can be up to grade level.

The bottom line, make reading fun! Reading is a way to escape reality for a while. It is a way to use your imagination and learn new things. Children, who can read well, will go far in life! The trick is helping kids find what they like to read about. They need to find what they are interested in. This is where the public library comes in handy or some online reading system. Find computer games that are educational, yet fun to help kids improve their reading skills.

Set limits on how much time they spend playing video games or watching TV, and encourage them to read. Let them take that book on a road trip so they can read in the car. Take their book camping so they can still read before bed. Take your children to the library on a regular basis to get books and learn what is available to them at the public library.

I also want to share with professionals what I have done to help my client kiddos with reading. I set up a small lending library in my office. I was lucky to have wonderful friends donate books to me! I allow my kiddos take up to two books at time. When they are done with their books they can bring them back and borrow two more. This helps the kiddo who is struggling as well as the kiddo who likes to read! Win! Win!

Children need to understand that reading can be fun and they can succeed as a reader. This is powerful for any child or teen!

Monday, June 13, 2016

Change is the Life of a Child

Change in the Life of a Child

Change is part of life. That is what we tell children. This is a very true statement. Change does not have to be a bad thing. Change can be good and fun. The most recent change is school is out for the summer and you can go have fun. A good change would be getting a pet or having a new sibling.

While some change is good and fun, there are other changes that are scary and hard to understand. Even the change of a new sibling while fun is scary. A child may ask, “Who will take care of me?” Who will play with me? A child may say they do not want a new brother or sister, but the reality is there is a new baby in the house. For some children change it is no big deal, for some it seems like the end of the world. Eventually children adjust and life goes on, as long as they have a loving and supportive network of family and friends to help them adjust to this new phase in life.

Other changes of life may not be good; in fact they are down-right scary. A change like parents getting a divorce is a very scary thing for everyone involved. Children know something is wrong. They see their parents fight and argue, sometimes about them. Even infants can sense and feel tension between people. Divorce is a major change. Adults try to bring out the positives in the situation, while a good idea to a certain point can and usually does backfire at some point. Children need to deal with the reality of the situation of the divorce and adults need to help them in the best way possible to work through this change and provide support and care.

Part of any change, good, bad or otherwise is communication. Remember, when going through a big change children need to be aware of what is happening as long as it is appropriate for their age. Things like a divorce or a death in the family need to be handled carefully. Children do not need to know the same information as adults. This can become a gray area for older children or teens. Use your best judgement as a parent. When in doubt, don’t.

If you think it might be too much information or something that could cause further damage than the initial problem then please do not share this information with your child. For example, telling your child a loved one has died is one thing, going into detail about how they died or what happened to them can cause great mental damage. A young child does not need to know that their loved one committed suicide for example. This is hard enough for adults to understand so how do you expect a young child understand.

When a bunch of change happens to a child all at once it can put your child into an overwhelming overload. They become easily emotional. They may act out, shut down, have melt downs over random things. Change for adults can be hard and stressful, imagine being a young child and having no control over what is happening to you or those around you.

Children need structure, security, and routine. When those things are disrupted it can be very hard on a child and their parents. So, how as a parent do you help your child through a change? Well, if it is something you are preparing for, like moving, or having a baby then have a plan for your family. Talk with your child about what you as the adults are planning and who is going to help when the time comes.

What to do in case of something like an emergency? Well, have a back-up plan. Talk about who to call in case of an emergency, how to dial 9-1-1, calling a family member, a trusted adult, and that people like police, and firemen are safe people there to help. If you can make a plan and share with your child the plan, it makes something that is scary, a little less scary.

Change is a part of life, but with proper planning and communication change does not need to be so scary. Children are very observant and very well aware of what is going on around them. When they ask questions, answer just the question. Do not go into detail. That is when things get confusing. Children need support and to know that someone they trust is in control. If they know that, then they can feel safe in knowing who is going to help and take care of them.