Mean Girls

Mean Girls

When we hear the words “mean girls” we think of some snotty girl who is so mean and seems to just get away with it. Girls of all ages get bullied everyday day. They get called names, all kinds of names, stupid, ugly, dumb, slut, whore, you get the idea. One of the problems comes is technology. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, all play a part in this. The bully does not give up. They post things online and say things in person, or they get their target’s phone number and start texting. The girl being bullied can’t escape. They are even told things like “do everyone a favor and just die.”

Another problem is that kids don’t seem to respect others. They are being taught either by word or example that being mean is the only way to get things they want. This applies in many situations with kids and teens. They want something so they just take it or talk someone into giving it to them. If they hear the word “no” their world comes to an end!

Girls can be very cruel to each other. They play games like “if your friends with Suzy, you are not my friend.” Or, “I liked Johnny first, you can’t have him.” They say things like, “If you don’t do this, we can’t be friends.” They try to manipulate the situation to get what they want. They do not care if they hurt someone in the process.

                Girls play these types of games from the time they are young. They become mean and talk badly about others. Or they say things like “I don’t want to be your friend anymore.” Then the next day they are friends again. This is normal relationships with girls. But, what isn’t normal are girls who are constantly saying these things or are trying to tell other girls that it is okay to lie or other things that they know they shouldn’t do.

                They tell the girls who want to be friends with them that it is okay to lie, steal, and cheat in order to get what you want. They have learned this is how to get their needs met. Then they tell other girls to do the same. This is not okay for kids to do.

                What can parents do to help? Well, first be aware of who your daughter is friends with. Know these friends well. Know who their parents are. Talk to your daughter from an early age about what is appropriate in friendships. Help these girls know that they have value and worth and to not just be friends with someone just because they are popular.

                Girls with self-esteem issues are an easy target. The girls who are the bullies are aware of which girls they can target and try to control. Help your daughter feel good about who they are no matter what someone else may tell them. I know this is a big job! Girls today are just bombarded with all kinds of views of what is considered beautiful, and if someone doesn’t fit that mold then there is something wrong with them and some girls will do whatever it takes to fit in.

                Help your daughter have a healthy view of who she is. Help her see beyond the mirror and into herself. There is more to a beautiful girl then looks. Beauty is on the inside, intelligence, well rounded interests, self-confidence. These are things that make a girl beautiful.

                Now, what to do about those bullies who don’t seem to stop? Well, for starters teach your daughter that it is okay to stand up for herself. Teach them to use their voice. They can tell the girl or girls who are bullying them to stop. They can say things like they don’t want to be friends with them anymore and truly mean it. Teach your daughter to have boundaries in her relationships, all relationships.

                The girls who bully need to know that this is not an okay thing to do. They need to understand that hurting others is not something young ladies do to each other. Also, keep in mind that most likely that girl, who is bullying others, probably has someone in her life who is bullying her. This does not make it okay, mind you, but the truth of the matter is that these girls get it from somewhere.

                Our girls listen more than you think they do. They are aware of how their moms and other adult women she is around interact with others. She will see what these adults do and think that is okay to do, when really it isn’t. Also, women who say, things like, “that is not okay to talk that way to me, or my child,” see that standing up for yourself is important, and that you as her parent are there to protect her.   

                We need to teach our girls that it isn’t okay to bully or hurt others. We also need to teach them when this happens who they can go to for help and that they need to stand up for themselves. We also need to teach them to love themselves and care for others. Teaching girls their self-worth and value as a preventive cure will go much further in life then teaching girls that it is okay to gossip and bully others.