All Kids Need a Bubble Boundaries for Children

All Kids need a Bubble –Boundaries for Children

 

We all know a child or two that wants to hug and touch everyone! At some point it crosses a line or two and others get frustrated. Like anything else with children they need to learn boundaries. They need to know what they can and cannot do to adults and to other peers. For some children the concept of boundaries can be a very difficult thing for them to understand. It is something to be learned over a life time.

So when I explain the concept of “boundaries” to children I usually try to use a visual. I usually explain that having boundaries is like having a fence around you. Some things can go in and out but not everything. And there is a gate to allow the safe people in and out as you choose.  I also use the visual of having a personal bubble. This helps children understand that everyone has their own space and when we cross that bubble or someone crosses their bubble it can make someone feel uncomfortable.

Why is teaching children “boundaries” so important? This not only protects them, but also protects others. Children need to understand that everyone has limits and that those limits need to be respected, including their own.  This helps the child to understand that they do have control over who they interact with and to what extent. If they don’t want to hug someone, don’t force it. Your child many not be in the mood for a hug or, they may not trust that person. Myself personally, I ask the children I interact with if they would like a hug. I leave it up to them. If they say “no” then I just let it be. I may offer a high five or fist bump instead.

This teaches your child that it is okay to tell others “no” when they don’t want to do something. This includes playing with other children. Your child may not want to play with another child because they may not be in the mood to play with them, or the other child has been mean to them. Let them choose who they play with and then of course as long as the other child is a good influence.

We also need to teach children that others have boundaries. Some children really struggle with keeping their hands to themselves. They want to touch and grab someone or something all the time. I know that this can be frustrating to all involved. Some children also struggle with boundaries when they are angry.  They may lash out and hit another child. This needs to of course be addressed and taken care of. But, all of these things are “boundary issues.”

For some children who struggle with Asperger’s Syndrome they struggle with social interaction in general. They also struggle with reading social ques like facial expressions and body language. For these children teaching boundaries may be more in depth. They need to learn to identify feelings and what it may look like when someone is angry or frustrated.

The same goes for children who have experienced some sort of abuse. They are either very fearful of others and shy away, or they are looking for whatever attention they can get and so therefore they hug and touch whoever they like or see. These things of course can cause many problems.

The concept of “boundaries” needs to be taught from an early age. Children need to learn what is okay to do and what is not okay. As parents and caregivers we have a responsibility to teach these things to the children entrusted to our care. For some children it is easier than others. Like anything it takes patience and practice when working with children on this issue.