Sticks and Stones

Sticks and Stones

by: Alison Neihardt LPC, NCC

We have all heard the phrase, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!” Boy is this so wrong! Words do hurt! There is not physical mark to see but there are mental and emotional bruises to be seen! “Bullying” is the hot topic in schools and has been for a while.

Then we hear the word “bully” it can be seen in so many ways. A bully is someone who tries to make themselves feel better by putting someone else down either physically or mentally. They find something wrong with someone and they pick on that person’s weakness until their victim can’t take it anymore. When someone gets to that point of they can’t take it anymore they do all kinds of things to make the bullying stop. They may push or hit back, go find help, stuff their feelings, pull inward to prevent further hurt, or they in some extreme cases they hurt themselves or even commit suicide.

So, of course how do we as helpers or trusted adults help children when they are being bullied? Well, that can be answered in so many ways. Some people say for the child to stand up for themselves. For some kids that is very hard because their self-esteem is low and they are afraid. So, we as therapists work on building their self-esteem and help the client develop a support network.

Some say for the child to walk away. Well, yes we don’t want to start throwing punches because then the child who by all rights is trying to defend themselves gets into trouble. So, the child can hopefully identify “helpers” for when these situations arise that they can go to and get the help they need to make the bullying stop. That sounds good in theory and sometimes works, but most bullies are aware of this because the first couple of times the bully gets in trouble so they become sneakier in their tactics of bullying. Then the victim can be labeled as a “tattle tale.”

We also don’t want the victim to turn into a bully because they become angry and their way of handling is finding someone else weaker to pick on and bully. Beginning to see the cycle here?

So, now what?

Well, we are forgetting part of the equation here, the bully. In most cases bullies become bullies because they themselves are being bullied or hurt in some way. It may be by another child, an adult, parent, teacher, older sibling, you get the idea. So, what needs to happen is we as adults need to step back and look at the whole picture. Why is this child (the bully) acting this way? Why is the child (the victim) being targeted? Once we as trusted adults have a handle on that, we can hopefully really help both or all children involved in the bullying.

Also, remember with technology and social media, now bullying doesn’t end when the child or teen comes home to where they think they are safe. Nope, they turn on their computer or get a text and the bullying continues! It doesn’t go away! So, we as trusted adults need to help children and teens by monitoring their online use and their cell phones to see what is happening. It is our job as trusted adults to try to know what is happening and be aware of the signs or bullying.

These signs might include, a drop in grades, irritability, anxiety, depression, withdrawing from friends and family, not wanting to go to school, as well as many more. If you see any of these signs ask your student or their teacher if something is going on. Kids will talk if you as a trusted adult will listen.

And as my Sunday School kids do pretty much do, “pray for the bullies to not be bullies!”