Hurting Kids Hurt People

Hurting Kids Hurt People

 

Many people ask me as a counselor how do I help my hurting kid? Parents and caregivers can see their child is hurting. This a problem that isn’t always easy to solve. You see, it is because some hurts are so big. It isn’t like a scrapped knee that gets a band aid and a kiss. I wish it was that simple. Believe me as I see kids sit across from me in tears because they can’t figure out why their parent doesn’t come home or why someone who loves them so much would purposely hurt them.

Children naturally think that anything that happens is because of something they did. For example, if mom and dad split up kids think that if they would have behaved better or gotten better grades their parents wouldn’t have split up. When in reality the parents split up for very adult reasons. This is how I explain it to my client kids so they hopefully understand that mom and dad getting a divorce isn’t because of something they did.

When kids are hurting there are some very basic things parents and caregivers can do to help. One, listen. Just be available for your kids to talk and don’t judge what they are saying. Two, provide consistency. Don’t let kids do naughty things and let them get away with it because “they are having a hard time.” Three, allow your child to be angry or sad. God wired us to have those feelings. It is okay to have them and express them. I tell the kids I work with that it is okay to be angry, but to not do naughty things in their anger. Lastly, find our child a qualified mental health professional who specializes in working with children to help. Look for a child therapist who knows and understands children and trauma.

When working with kids who are hurting things can come up like depression, anxiety, stress, anger, acting out, as well as others. One way to support your child at home is to offer a “safe space.” This may be their room or some other place where they can get a way and just chill out. Also, provide some kind of “cool down kits.” Things in these kits could be activities that are quiet and calming to your child. Some sound cancelling headphones, coloring book and crayons, puzzles, books, music, or a journal just to list a few.

In cases where children or teens have made comments that they don’t want to be around or want to hurt themselves, PLEASE get help! This is not a game! Even if you think your child wouldn’t do anything, do you want to be wrong? Also, make sure to lock up all meds and sharp objects to keep them safe. Make a safety plan with them and their therapist. Do not be afraid to reach out for help so your child or teen can hopefully get the proper help they need and deserve.