Trauma Brings Out the Drama

Trauma Brings Out the Drama

Childhood trauma is one of the hardest things to deal with as a child or an adult. When I say trauma what do you think of? Maybe abuse, illness, a death, divorce. Trauma is something that is a life altering event of which affects your day to day functioning.

Depending on the person trauma can affect them very differently. It depends on many variables. What types of supports does the person have? It also depends on the age of the child when the trauma happened. There are stages of child development that are more affected by trauma then others. It also depends on how long the trauma has happened.

So, what kinds of drama happen? Well, just about anything. Behavior issues like temper tantrums, acting out, being constantly fearful, learning issues, having a hard focusing, and so on. Some kids become withdrawn and very quiet. They may hide out in their room, not talk much, not wanting to do the things they used to like to do, and just over all seem bummed out.

Some kids who have experienced trauma have a hard time with boundaries. Some children don’t trust adults well so they are very cautious of who they trust and talk to. This includes hugging and other forms of physical touch. They are scared to be close to adults because adults have hurt them or not protected them. I always make sure to ask a kid if they want a hug before I hug them. It will take time for a child to trust an adult after they have been hurt. Try not to push them for force them.

Some kids go the other way with boundaries and they have none or very poor boundaries. They talk to whoever they want and hug and touch people in ways that can be very uncomfortable. They do not understand when you tell them not to do something or that they are making someone uncomfortable. Some kids just need to be taught what boundaries are and how to have them. This is usually what resolves this issue.

The reason that trauma brings out the drama is because someone who has had trauma, they become triggered and they just react and they go into survival mode. They are trying to protect themselves from being hurt again. It becomes a fight or flight reaction. Kids who do this may just have a meltdown about something that may seem so small, but to them is a really big deal.

How we help someone through this is very important. Their feelings need to be recognized and validated. Also, letting them sometimes just cry and let their feelings out is also important. They are hurt and upset, allow them to feel what they feel. Their feelings are not wrong. They are their feelings.

You are the adult or support person feel helpless because you just want to fix their hurt. You can’t make the hurt go away. You can be supportive and listen when they need to talk. Kids are also learning to regulate their feelings and so they need to be taught how to do this in a healthy way.

Also, part of the drama can be parents trying to protect their child from further trauma by setting boundaries with others who have had a part in the trauma. This can bring stress to you and your child, but understand this is part of dealing with boundaries, and protecting a vulnerable person. As the parent it is your job to keep your child safe from harm. Part of that protection is from mental and emotional harm.

Parents and other adults just want to protect their child who has experienced trauma. They want to make sure that their child is not hurt like that again. While this is a good idea and can be done, also remember that you can’t protect your child from everything. If your child has experienced trauma please make sure that you connect them with a child therapist who can help them deal with the trauma now so that hopefully by the time they are adults the trauma and triggers are much less.