Trauma Brings Out the Drama
Childhood trauma is one of the hardest things to deal with as a child
or an adult. When I say trauma what do you think of? Maybe abuse, illness, a
death, divorce. Trauma is something that is a life altering event of which
affects your day to day functioning.
Depending on the person trauma can affect them very differently. It depends
on many variables. What types of supports does the person have? It also depends
on the age of the child when the trauma happened. There are stages of child development
that are more affected by trauma then others. It also depends on how long the
trauma has happened.
So, what kinds of drama happen? Well, just about anything. Behavior
issues like temper tantrums, acting out, being constantly fearful, learning
issues, having a hard focusing, and so on. Some kids become withdrawn and very
quiet. They may hide out in their room, not talk much, not wanting to do the
things they used to like to do, and just over all seem bummed out.
Some kids who have experienced trauma have a hard time with boundaries.
Some children don’t trust adults well so they are very cautious of who they
trust and talk to. This includes hugging and other forms of physical touch. They
are scared to be close to adults because adults have hurt them or not protected
them. I always make sure to ask a kid if they want a hug before I hug them. It will
take time for a child to trust an adult after they have been hurt. Try not to
push them for force them.
Some kids go the other way with boundaries and they have none or very
poor boundaries. They talk to whoever they want and hug and touch people in
ways that can be very uncomfortable. They do not understand when you tell them
not to do something or that they are making someone uncomfortable. Some kids
just need to be taught what boundaries are and how to have them. This is
usually what resolves this issue.
The reason that trauma brings out the drama is because someone who has
had trauma, they become triggered and they just react and they go into survival
mode. They are trying to protect themselves from being hurt again. It becomes a
fight or flight reaction. Kids who do this may just have a meltdown about
something that may seem so small, but to them is a really big deal.
How we help someone through this is very important. Their feelings need
to be recognized and validated. Also, letting them sometimes just cry and let
their feelings out is also important. They are hurt and upset, allow them to feel
what they feel. Their feelings are not wrong. They are their feelings.
You are the adult or support person feel helpless because you just want
to fix their hurt. You can’t make the hurt go away. You can be supportive and
listen when they need to talk. Kids are also learning to regulate their
feelings and so they need to be taught how to do this in a healthy way.
Also, part of the drama can be parents trying to protect their child
from further trauma by setting boundaries with others who have had a part in
the trauma. This can bring stress to you and your child, but understand this is
part of dealing with boundaries, and protecting a vulnerable person. As the
parent it is your job to keep your child safe from harm. Part of that
protection is from mental and emotional harm.
Parents and other adults just want to protect their child who has
experienced trauma. They want to make sure that their child is not hurt like
that again. While this is a good idea and can be done, also remember that you
can’t protect your child from everything. If your child has experienced trauma
please make sure that you connect them with a child therapist who can help them
deal with the trauma now so that hopefully by the time they are adults the
trauma and triggers are much less.
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