My Mission

My Mission

 

Helping Kids is my calling not just the name of my business. I love children. I always have. I began babysitting at the age of twelve and have worked with children ever since. I love helping children and their families. This is my life work. I have worked at as a teacher, children’s minister, missionary, Sunday School Teacher, Vacation Bible School director, and now counselor.

I see hurting and struggling children and I just want to reach out and help. It could be a problem they are having at home, it could be someone is hurting them, or they are having a hard time in school. I just want to help them make it better.

In Sunday School class, every week I do a check in with my third graders. This allows them time to tell me what is going on in their lives. They know I will listen to them. They also know that I am interested in them. I still have kids after many years of teaching Sunday School who still come to me when they are having a problem or to just get a hug.

I get asked often if I have children. No, I do not, but the kids who come through my door whether in my office, or my Sunday School classroom are “my” kids. I do my best to look after them. That saying, “it takes a village” is so very true. My church parents know that if there is something serious going on with their kids and I find out about it that I will most definitely let them know!

Why am I telling all of this? For one it is what is on my heart, and for two I take the scripture of Jesus letting the little children come to him very seriously. We need to be like Jesus and let the children come to us. We need to be approachable. Kids need to know they can come to us when they need help. They need to know they have grown-up friends who love them and care about them.

As adults, we need to invest in the lives of children on a daily basis. Whether as a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, or friend. Kids need to know they matter.  We want children to be successful adults, so we adults need to help them.

Some kids go through so much, and they have a hard time trusting adults. We need to be an adult they can trust. We may be the only one. It is possible to overcome the hurt, pain and trauma that happens to kids, with the right people there helping. It needs to be our mission to invest in children in a positive way to help them become a successful adult.

Your Back to School Check List

Your Back to School Check List

 

Pencils—check, paper—check, cool new back pack—check, mental readiness for school—wait, what? As you are checking off your child’s supply list make sure they are mentally ready for school to start again. Are they ready for the stress of school work? Are they still having issues with that one kid who wouldn’t leave them alone last year?

Helping your child be mentally ready for school is just as important as to be physically ready for school. Do they have the self-confidence to handle “that one kid”? Are they ready for the school work? Last school year did they have issues with anxiety because of school? Are you concerned your child will still have some “behavior issues”?

I know that it is summer and we are all busy with doing the fun stuff, taking vacations, playing at the beach, enjoying family time. But as you get closer to school starting and getting your kids and yourself ready to go back to school take a moment or two to think about issues that may need to be addressed before starting school again.

Some kids are very scared to go back to school for many reasons. It could be bullies, teachers, work load, peer pressure, or something else. Have a very open conversation with your kids about how they are feeling about school starting. Yes, of course most kids do not want school to start because well, it is school and they are kids. But, if it is more than that then it needs to be addressed.

If you feel they are not ready for school to start for one of these reasons be proactive and preventative about it. Seek counseling services for your child. You and their therapist can help them together. Sometimes kids are more willing to tell a therapist they trust what they worry about then mom or dad. Find a therapist you trust and begin the work of getting your child mentally ready for school. It is better to start now then waiting for a couple of months when there is an actual problem.  

Start your kids off on the right foot to have a successful school year. Don’t set them up for failure. Also, if you are struggling in getting things for your kids for school do not be afraid to reach out. Many schools and communities have back to school supply collections to help families who may need the extra boost. And if you can help with one of these drives by donating supplies for kids going back to school, please do so. When you do, you are making an investment in a kid’s future and helping to set them up for success!

Happy Family Reunion

Happy Family Reunion

It is summer time so it is also family time. Summer allows us extra time to spend with our families and have reunions, camping trips, vacations, time at Grandma’s. All of this is fun and exciting. But, how do you set boundaries for your children with your family?

First, try to keep your child’s routine as normal as possible. I know there are fireworks, bonfires, and other late-night activities. Sure, let your child enjoy those activities, but also be flexible. If your child is exhausted then by all means get them into bed! Allow times for quiet time and down time. Allow you and your child time to rest and have a break. Cousins are fun, but, everyone needs a little space to rest. Even if the solution is putting in a movie and everyone has a quite hour to rest their bodies from all the fun.

Second, do not plan every single moment of your time together. Yes, having things planned like going to the beach or to the movies is important, check your area for fun trips to do as a family.  But then also just as important is having time for kids to just be kids and play outside and have “free play.” This allows kids to play together if they choose and bond together with their cousins. When I was growing up some of my favorite memories of me and my cousins is just playing outside.

Third, let your child choose when they want to give hugs and kisses. If your child says no to a hug or a kiss respect their choice. It does not mean they do not like the person, it just means they are not in the mood to be touched. These are healthy boundaries. Healthy families will respect this and allow your child to be themselves.

Fourth, every family has their “drama moments” so just be aware of these. If you do not feel comfortable and feel like you need to leave then go with your gut. These may be the family members who may have been drinking a little too much, or like to pick fights for no apparent reason. You as the parent need to use your best judgement in knowing when to leave the situation. Yes, someone may be “hurt” because you leave but they will get over it. You need to do what is best for you and your children.

Family time should be a happy and fun time, but if it is not then use your best judgement and leave if for some reason you do not feel safe physically or emotionally. Enjoy your time with your family and build healthy family relationships that will last a life time.

Dear Moms..Take a Break, It's OK!

Dear Moms…Take a Break, It’s OK!

Learn to take a break! Yes, that’s right, you heard what I said. Take time for YOU! Take care of YOU! Yes, your kids need you. They need things from you, but you need you too. I know this is easier said than done, especially single moms. And I know that when you try to plan this for yourself something ALWAYS happens. Learn to take a break for yourself and not feel guilty.

Why should you? Well, you are a caregiver. Caregivers need a break too. If care givers don’t get breaks they will not be able to care for others for very long. Your job very ends! You are on call 24/7. How do you balance work and home? How do you care for your kids and your family? One step at a time. But, sometimes you need to take a break.

How do I take a break? Well, talk with your husband, or support network. Try to schedule time for yourself. Make a plan, and stick to it. What do you do? Well, take a nap, soak in the tub, run errands by yourself. Do something for YOURSELF! Even if it is a few minutes in your day. The dishes can wait. Your kids twenty years from now are not going to say, “Man, my mom could really clean those dishes!” No, they are going to remember the time you spent with them! And they you took care of you. Your kids will notice!

If you can get into the routine of taking care of yourself you will feel so much better as a person, a mother, a wife, an employee, a daughter. You are trying to juggle so many things at once that if you don’t set a few things down for a little bit you will be overwhelmed, overworked, and stressed out! And “when momma ain’t happy, no one happy!”

Also, learn your limits. Learn to say no! It is okay to say no to someone or something and not feel bad about it. Set your priorities and stick to them. What is important to you? Your kids, family, job, God? Stick to those things and everything else will fall into place.  You do not have to be super mom! That doesn’t exist! No one is perfect! Not even moms!

Learn to take time for yourself and not only will you feel better, but so will your kids and your family! Talk with your other mom friends to set up a way that you can help each other out and be supports for each other, both physically and emotionally. No mom can do this job alone! Get yourself some mom friends and stick together!

Be Your "Selfie"

Be Your “Selfie”

Teen girls struggle with who they are and who they are created to be. They compare themselves to others around them. They want to be “liked.” They want to be “popular.” But, according to who? To your peers? To your friends? To society? Of course, we all want to fit in somewhere, but what is the cost? Do girls need to sell out and be something they are not?

First, I want all girls out there young and not so young to know that you have a Heavenly Father who loves you more than you can imagine! You were created in HIS image! And because God made you in His image, you are not junk! You were created to have a purpose and to be beautiful just the way you are, inside and out!

God does not care that you wear the latest fashion or have an expensive purse. What He cares about is your heart. He wants you to be beautiful on the inside. It does not matter to God if you are a “girley girl,” a “tom boy,” or a “Princess.” To Him you are all princesses!

So, what does this all mean? Well, you are God’s daughter. You are the daughter of a King, so act like it! Look at yourself and decide to love yourself for who you are flaws and all. We all have flaws, no one is perfect. 

Second, do not look down on someone else! God would NEVER do that to you so don’t you dare do it to someone else! No matter how tough you think you are or how tough you think someone else is, do not treat them like less them one of God’s children! Because that is exactly what they are!

Third, your job as a daughter to the King is to love others. Will this always be easy, no! People are human and they are broken. They will most likely hurt you at some point. The key is to not let it get you down. Look up and focus on what God wants from you. 

Girls know how to be mean to each other. They fight different than boys in most cases. They gossip, lie, and do other hurtful things. As a daughter of the King try not to get yourself into situations where you are tempted to do these things to other girls. Even when a girl may have done something to you first. You need to guard your heart and mind from this behavior. Will it be hard, absolutely!

You also need to be on guard for girls who try to do these things to you as well. Be aware of who these girls are and most likely stay clear of them. These girls could end up causing more hurt and pain. They are not worth trying to be friends with even if they are part of the “popular” group. Remember God is the one you need your approval from not others around you.

Learn to love yourself so you can love others. Be your “selfie!” Look at yourself and others the way God does. With nothing but unconditional love!

Are You Bored Yet?

Are You Bored Yet?

Have you heard your child say, “I’m bored” yet? Only a few days out of school and they are “bored.” Have you as a parent set up a routine for your kids? Do they have a daily “to do” list? Things they can do or need to do, chores, activities, outings, etc.  So, what do you do when your kids say they are “bored.”

Do you give suggestions? Do you get frustrated? Do you automatically find something for them to do or take them somewhere? Many years ago, when I was a kid in the summer time, if I told my mom I was “bored,” her response was, “If you are bored I will help you find something to do.” I knew this was not something I wanted because it usually meant doing some sort of chore that I REALLY didn’t want to do! I then went and found something for myself to keep busy!

Kids need to learn how to use their time wisely. They also need to learn to entertain themselves without the need to sit and play on a screen or video game for most of their day. Remember the good old days when there wasn’t all these video games and electronics? We played outside. We played with friends. We got dirty. We were kids! 

I understand letting children play video games, when there are long car rides, must wait for an appointment, or when there is a rainy day.  Kids need to learn to play and use their imagination! 

So, how do parents limit their child’s screen time? Well, set time limits. I know parents who say a few hours a day or only if there is a rainy day. Also, I know parents who do things like, the child must earn screen time. The child must get their other things done first. Make a list for your child of things they need to do before they can have screen time, chores, playing outside, reading, etc. There are all kinds of creative ways to get this done. Just check Pinterest! 

Plan fun things to do with your kids for the summer. Check your local area for things like zoos, museums, hiking, biking, Vacation Bible School, camp, the beach, etc. Your kids want to spend time with you and create memories.  

When your child is all grown, what memories are they going to have? They are not going to remember their score on some video game, they are going to remember you spending time with them! Enjoy your kids and their summer vacation!

The Brady Bunch Isn't Real

The Brady Bunch Isn’t Real

Blending a family is no easy job from any side. You are trying to blend two different households into one. Not only are you as the parents combining your stuff, money, and every other part of your life you are asking your kids to live with people they may or may not like.  This isn’t easy! Your kids did not ask to be put in this situation.

Most of the time kids are still coping with their parents’ divorce. They are grieving and hurting. Then you as their parent put them into a situation they really don’t want to be in most of the time. So, what can you do as a parent?

For starters, listen to your kids! You are still their parent and you need to be their parent.  Make time for them.  No matter their age this is not easy for them. They are trying to figure out who is going to be there and help them. There are different rules at each parents’ home. This is hard for kids sometimes. They have to adjust each time they come back to you.

Before you remarry, you as the parent need to talk with your children about what is going to happen and be willing to listen to what they have to say. Try to be open to their feelings whether they are good or not. Their feelings are theirs to have. Talk to your children about your new spouse’s children to see how they feel about them. Are they okay with them or not? Let your kids be honest, because if they try to pretend or fake it, it won’t end well!

As a step parent, give your step kids or bonus kids time to get to know you. This for some children could take a while. They may never fully accept you, but understand they have their own baggage that comes along with them. They are hurting and probably very confused. Don’t try to take the place of their parent. Because if you try, you will hear something like, “you are not my mom!” or “You can’t tell me what to do!” Every kid with a step parent has at least thought it if not actually said it out loud at least once.

You are forming a new family so try to help everyone feel included. How is this done? Well, family activities, dinner, movies, game night, vacations, hang out nights, you get the idea. It isn’t a magic cure but it is a start. Know that there will be some rebellion from your kids and your spouse’s kids. This is normal. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Learn to communicate as a family. Try to make sure the kids get one on one time with their parent so they have a chance to connect and talk if they need.

Realize as a step parent it is hard for kids to accept you as an authority figure. Let their parent discipline their child as much as possible. Let the parent establish rules with you. Don’t do it alone as the step parent.  For some kids it may take a while to get used to you as the step parent being in authority over them. Work out with your spouse how you are going to handle this. Be clear with the kids that together you will make decisions. Kids need to learn the boundaries and expectations of the step parent. This takes time and kids won’t usually get it the first time. Try to have patience with them.

Blending a family in real life is hard work. It takes work on a daily basis to get things to fit together. Understand that it takes time and it doesn’t have to be perfect. You are not a perfect parent or step parent. Admit when you have made a mistake and move on. Kids just want to know they are loved and they belong in the family.