Exploding Kids... What to do with a Kid with an Anger Problem.

Exploding Kids…What to do with a Kid with an Anger Problem.

Does your child stomp their feet? Slam doors in your house? Yell? Scream? Argue ALL THE TIME? Do they cry a lot? They are most likely angry about something.  They easily lose their temper and yell or get upset for no apparent reason. They you as a parent or caregiver get tired of the anger and then you get frustrated and angry too. Do you see the cycle?

So how do we as adults help these exploding kids? First when they yell at you try not to yell back. Notice I said TRY. I know it is hard in the heat of the moment to not lose it and yell at your kid. It can turn into a shouting match of which no one wins! It just creates more anger and more frustration on both sides. So, try to just separate yourself from your child and take a break and give them a break as well. Because, honestly they are probably just as angry with you as you are with them. They may not really be angry with you. They may have had a bad day at school, they maybe have someone who is bullying them at school, and they may be really struggling with something you aren’t even aware of. They just know they are MAD!

Also, kids who go through change like a divorce, being placed in foster care, death, or some other crisis are actually mad about that verses actually being angry with you. You just happen to be standing there at the time.  They are so deeply wounded that they don’t know how to express themselves. They can’t be mad at the person who actually deserves it because they are not around. So, you are the lucky target.

So, how do we help these angry kids? First we need to acknowledge that they are angry whether they realize it or not. So, “I see that you are upset. Would you like to tell me about it?” Allow your child to be open with you; even if that means that they are mad at you! Maybe you hurt your child’s feelings or did something that upset them, or they misunderstood something.

Second, if the anger is a “big” issue and the anger is not going away then your child most likely needs a professional to help them and you with their anger. Please seek this help for your child! They will thank you for it later.

Third, help your child identify how to know when they are getting angry. Signs might include, stomping feet, 

slamming doors, yelling, crying, pouting, shutting down, mean looks, and the list goes on! You know our child and what they do!

Helping an angry child is not easy. You need to set limits and not allow them to do something out of anger that will cause themselves or someone else, including you harm. When kids get angry they are not rational. Their emotions are running so high that they don’t know what they are doing or saying. They may not even remember what they say or what you say.

It is better to save your conversation or lecture for when they are claim and can talk rationally. Yes, this may take time. This is why a time out or a break is important for both of you. Also, remember when you are talking with your child to talk in a way that is appropriate for their age. When you talk for a long period of time your child with tune you out and not listen. Make your conversations as short as possible.  

Also, when they do something out of anger that does harm someone else or property then yes there needs to be consequences to those things. Whatever is appropriate, an apology, fixing or replacing what they broke, cleaning up the mess they made, etc.

Having a child who is angry is not easy. It can be frustrating and exhausting. But, just remember what has gotten them to the point of being so angry and help them deal with it in a healthy way. It is okay to show anger, just not to do harm in the process. If your child needs to do something physical to get rid of the angry feelings they have let them bounce a ball, run, jump, ride their bike. If they need space to process their feelings quietly give them some space. Some kids can write or draw about how they feel. Giving them tools to help with the anger can help when the anger comes.

We are all human. We make mistakes. We have feelings. God wired us that way. We all get angry sometimes. We just need to help kids learn to manage their feelings better and in a less harmful way.