What to do with an Angry Kid?

What to do with an Angry Kid?

So, you have figured out your kid has an anger problem, now what? Well, there are many things that can be done to help your child. First, is figuring out what is triggering their anger. It could be many things. If they won’t tell you, then you need to find a professional to help you. It could be something very serious. Most kids get angry over things like, divorce, death, school issues, friends, bullies, family issues, the bottom line is that until your child can talk about what is bothering them there isn’t much that can be done to curb the anger.

They may not want to tell their parent because of many reasons. They may fear getting in trouble. It may be that they are worried that their parent is already stressed and they don’t want to cause any more problems. They may be angry with their parent. They may be afraid due to an abuse or domestic violence situation.

Whatever the reason, if your child is not willing to tell you as their parent then seeking professional help is what is needed. In most cases it is easier for a child to tell a third party person like a counselor than to talk to their own parent. If your therapist is a helpful one, they will include you as the parent in the counseling so that the anger issue can be resolved.

The other thing that your friendly, helpful counselor can do is give your child ways of coping with their anger. There is a reason for the anger. With the help of the counselor, that can be figured out. Also, the counselor can help your child with coping strategies to help defuse their anger when it hits. Things like taking a break or time out, or learning breathing techniques. Being able to label feelings for what they are feeling. Things like your child being able to say that they are angry or sad. Sometimes kids have a hard time being able to identify their feelings for what they are.

Sometimes having ways of distraction when they are upset about something major like death or divorce can also help. It can help the child direct their frustrations to something productive, or they can talk about what is really hurting them. These children are hurting and they need to be able to voice their hurts. If they are not able to then it just gets buried and becomes a bigger problem. This is how things like drug and alcohol use or anxiety start.   

Also, parents need to remember children are learning how to control their emotions. So, kids are going to have meltdowns. It is a normal developmental stage. Especially, in the early years for toddlers and preschoolers, and other stages as well, like middle school years. It is our job to give kids ways to learn self-control. So, things like walking away or telling a trusted adult when someone has hurt them is very important.

We can help them make all kinds of little crafty things to help them redirect their focus and be a visual reminder. Pick one or two of these things and use them well. Make sure that what you pick is something your child can do themselves and use to actually help them. We don’t want to give them a stress ball to squeeze when they are upset if all they are going to do is throw it at someone!

Helping your child figure out what triggers their anger is also important. What or who is upsetting your child? Is it a teacher, a peer at school, a situation, or even you their parent? Figuring this out is so important in helping getting a handle on your child’s anger. We can give them all these tools to help with anger, which will help some, but until figuring out what is triggering your child it is just going to keep going in a cycle.

Your child’s anger and other feelings need to be validated. Your child needs to feel heard. This will help break down walls of communication. If your child knows that you listen then they are more willing to tell you what is upsetting them. You may not as a parent, be able to fix it for them, but you can find someone who can help. A child being angry all the time is not a healthy thing for anyone.  It causes stress not only for your child, but everyone around them, including you the parent. They don’t like feeling angry anymore then you like to see them angry. Do not be afraid to reach out to get help for your angry child. They will thank you for it later!