Change is the Life of a Child

Change in the Life of a Child

Change is part of life. That is what we tell children. This is a very true statement. Change does not have to be a bad thing. Change can be good and fun. The most recent change is school is out for the summer and you can go have fun.  A good change would be getting a pet or having a new sibling.

While some change is good and fun, there are other changes that are scary and hard to understand. Even the change of a new sibling while fun is scary. A child may ask, “Who will take care of me?” Who will play with me? A child may say they do not want a new brother or sister, but the reality is there is a new baby in the house. For some children change it is no big deal, for some it seems like the end of the world.  Eventually children adjust and life goes on, as long as they have a loving and supportive network of family and friends to help them adjust to this new phase in life.

Other changes of life may not be good; in fact they are down-right scary. A change like parents getting a divorce is a very scary thing for everyone involved. Children know something is wrong. They see their parents fight and argue, sometimes about them. Even infants can sense and feel tension between people. Divorce is a major change. Adults try to bring out the positives in the situation, while a good idea to a certain point can and usually does backfire at some point.  Children need to deal with the reality of the situation of the divorce and adults need to help them in the best way possible to work through this change and provide support and care.

Part of any change, good, bad or otherwise is communication. Remember, when going through a big change children need to be aware of what is happening as long as it is appropriate for their age. Things like a divorce or a death in the family need to be handled carefully.  Children do not need to know the same information as adults. This can become a gray area for older children or teens. Use your best judgement as a parent. When in doubt, don’t.

If you think it might be too much information or something that could cause further damage than the initial problem then please do not share this information with your child. For example, telling your child a loved one has died is one thing, going into detail about how they died or what happened to them can cause great mental damage.  A young child does not need to know that their loved one committed suicide for example.   This is hard enough for adults to understand so how do you expect a young child understand.

When a bunch of change happens to a child all at once it can put your child into an overwhelming overload. They become easily emotional. They may act out, shut down, have melt downs over random things. Change for adults can be hard and stressful, imagine being a young child and having no control over what is happening to you or those around you. 

Children need structure, security, and routine. When those things are disrupted it can be very hard on a child and their parents. So, how as a parent do you help your child through a change? Well, if it is something you are preparing for, like moving, or having a baby then have a plan for your family. Talk with your child about what you as the adults are planning and who is going to help when the time comes.

What to do in case of something like an emergency? Well, have a back-up plan. Talk about who to call in case of an emergency, how to dial 9-1-1, calling a family member, a trusted adult, and that people like police, and firemen are safe people there to help. If you can make a plan and share with your child the plan, it makes something that is scary, a little less scary.  

Change is a part of life, but with proper planning and communication change does not need to be so scary. Children are very observant and very well aware of what is going on around them. When they ask questions, answer just the question.  Do not go into detail. That is when things get confusing. Children need support and to know that someone they trust is in control. If they know that, then they can feel safe in knowing who is going to help and take care of them.